An Etymology of Made-Up Words and Phrases Heard Around My House

The truth is that babies don't come with instructions. Parenthood is sort of the Wild West. Or, more accurately, an newly discovered world worthy of its own language.

The truth is that babies don't come with instructions. Parenthood is sort of the Wild West. Or, more accurately, a newly discovered world worthy of its own language.

As a parent, you find yourself saying words and phrases — sometimes totally self invented — to describe the otherwise indescribable you bear witness to daily. Because there are no words for some of the things that goes down in a house with a baby, am I right? Here are some of of the words and phrases heard around my home (more to come):

crack nail: the baby nail responsible for self-inflicted facial scratches on baby’s face. There’s always at least one, no matter how often you trim those suckers.

baby food circle of life: when baby starts eating finger foods, at least half ends up on the floor, whereby your dog (should you have had the foresight to own one) keeps clean by eating said food. Hence, completing the baby food circle of life.

the nights: some people call it night-night, we call it “the nights.” It’s that time of evening indicating you will soon be watching adult television programming (also see: the naps).

bubby: sometimes I call my kid bubba, sometimes buddy … bubby when I can’t decide.

The Cardboard Box Theory: it’s true, if an actual toy and anything else are put in front of baby, baby will choose to play with anything else, as in when parents dole out money for a big toy and thet baby plays with the box it comes in. My kid’s favorite non-toys include his socks, the baby lotion bottle, the baby wipes box, his bib, and the list goes on.

stink: stink goes before anything stink-baby related: stink-foot, stink-sock, stink-butt, stink-pants, etc. Makes sense since so much related to baby, well, kinda stinks. If I’m honest, sometimes I simply call my kid “Stinks” “Sir Stinks” if I’m feeling cheeky.

D: d is for diaper, as in, “Babe, it’s your turn to change the baby’s D.” It’s almost as if “diaper” is too dirty a word to utter in full.

Puddin’ time: it’s a silly wiggle dance I do with my kid. It makes him laugh (frankly, it makes me laugh), and we do it for just that reason. I’m not totally sure, but I think I sing it to the tune of “Peanut Butter Jelly Time.” Or at least what I think it sounds like.  No relation whatsoever to the Primus song of the same name.

hungerz: essentially “hungry.” For some reason, we parents tend to put the “s” sound after EVERYthing.

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