Shear Madness

Hippie, beach bum, lil rock’nroller. Ollie’s long hair was pretty darn cute at 18 months. I look at all the celebrities and their kids’ coifs thinking I could get away with that. Ollie could get away with that. But Ollie is not Ryder Robinson and he does not have a stylist.

I began cutting his bangs in January when his bangs began falling too close to his eyes. I’d wait till after a nap when he was still a little hazy, give him a toy or comb to play with and cut away. I got pretty good at it, actually. But he’s wily these days. This last time I went to trim  him up, he shook his head back and forth. And there I was with my hair shears doing the sign of the cross in my head over and over that I wouldn’t stab the poor kid. I was overwhelmed.

“I’m out.”

So last Friday, I took him to the barber fresh after a nap. The lady barber Kat sat Ollie on a platform that rested on the arms of the old-fashioned  leather chair (it still had built-in ashtrays). He was a sight of unbearable cuteness sitting up there in blue a rocket-patterned smock. I should have snapped a quick pic just then. Just before the tears started.

So I hopped up on the chair, put Ollie in my lap and Kat cut away millimeters away from my face as Ollie played with his new toy boats.

The bangs? Wasn’t havin’ it, yo.

So she worked around that area.

The trimmer? Wasn’t havin’ it either … yo. So that was quickly set aside.

Kat got pretty serious toward the end and he got a lollipop for his troubles. It got hair on it. Hair got in his eyes, mouth. He was miserable.

But we got through it. And that’s one more milestone for the books. Glad it’s over. And Kat? Thank god for Kat. She was a pro. I tipped her like 90 percent.

During some small talk, Kat told me “You definitely never want to take a kid to get a haircut and a doctor’s appointment on the same day.”

It must have been amateur hour because that’s just what this mom booked later in the afternoon. “Crap.”

As for the doc, he wasn’t havin’ ANY of that and he was that kid making horror movie sounds from the exam room. Next time, we’ll just schedule one torturous appointment per day.


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